Forgiveness

            Forgive in the Strong’s Concordance means: “Aphiēmi (af-ee’-ay-mee); to send forth—cry, forgive, forsake, lay aside, leave, let (alone, be, go, have), omit, put (send) away, remit, suffer, yield up.” Isaiah 53 prophesied what our Lord suffered so that we could receive forgiveness for our sins: “Who hath believed our report? and to whom is the arm of the Lord revealed? For he shall grow up before him as a tender plant, and as a root out of a dry ground: he hath no form nor comeliness; and when we shall see him, there is no beauty that we should desire him. He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his own way; and the Lord hath laid on him the iniquity of us all. He was oppressed, and he was afflicted, yet he opened not his mouth: he is brought as a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before her shearers is dumb, so he openeth not his mouth. He was taken from prison and from judgment: and who shall declare his generation? for he was cut off out of the land of the living: for the transgression of my people was he stricken. And he made his grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death; because he had done no violence, neither was any deceit in his mouth. Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand. He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities. Therefore will I divide him a portion with the great, and he shall divide the spoil with the strong; because he hath poured out his soul unto death: and he was numbered with the transgressors; and he bare the sin of many, and made intercession for the transgressors.” Wow. He did all of that so we could receive forgiveness of our sins. He loves us so much, that He paid the ultimate sacrifice so we can be forgiven.

Forgiveness embodies a mutual relationship as depicted in Matthew 6:14-15, “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” This emphasizes that our own forgiveness is fundamentally linked to our willingness to forgive others. Jesus' teaching points out that harboring grudges affects not only our spiritual well-being but also takes away the grace we receive from God. This principle challenges us to cultivate a heart of compassion and to recognize that extending forgiveness is essential for our own healing and relationship with God. Forgiveness is crucial for emotional well-being, as holding onto unforgiveness promotes bitterness that can manifest as emotional and physical ailments. I am a prime example of this. I was delivered from bitterness, chronic anger, and unresolved resentment that had led to an excess of stress-related symptoms and unhealthy coping mechanisms such as overeating or not eating, withdrawing from everyone, and substance abuse. This emotional turmoil traps us in the past, preventing us from progressing in our relationships and healing from our pain. This reinforces that embracing forgiveness is essential for our personal growth and health. Forgiveness is a transformative process that seeks to restore balance in our relationships after someone has wronged us. It involves our releasing the emotional burden associated with the wrongdoing, which prevents the incident from being used as a weapon or held as a debt against the offender. By choosing to forgive, we work towards healing and stability, allowing for a healthier and more harmonious interaction with others.

1 John 4:19 continues the same theme as Jesus did in Matthew 6:14-15, “We love him, because he first loved us. If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he that not seen?” Ouch. This passage emphasizes the inseparable connection between love for God and love for fellow human beings. It explains that true love stems from God's love for us and highlights the inconsistency in claiming to love God while harboring hate or indifference toward others. This message calls for a genuine, visible expression of love that manifests in our relationships, underscoring that love is both a commandment and a reflection of our faith.

Unforgiveness is often characterized by holding onto resentment and bitterness, which can manifest as a persistent preoccupation with the perceived wrong or injury. This leads to negative emotions and thoughts about the offender. It may also present as selfishness, where we prioritize our own pain over the potential for healing and reconciliation. This mindset can result in easily triggered anger, where minor disagreements or reminders of the hurt can provoke negative emotional reactions, reflecting an unresolved inner turmoil rather than genuine closure or forgiveness. A prime example of unforgiveness is in Mark 6 when Herodias used her daughter to have John the Baptist killed: “For Herod himself had sent forth and laid hold upon John, and bound him in prison for Herodias’ sake, his brother Philip’s wife; for he had married her. For John had said unto Herod, It is not lawful for thee to have thy brother’s wife. Therefore Herodias had a quarrel (Anger, hatred because John said it was wrong for her to be married to her husband’s brother. Her husband was not dead.) against him, and would have killed him; but she could not: for Herod feared John, knowing that he was a just man and an holy, and observed him; and when he heard him, he did many things, and heard him gladly. And when a convenient day was come, that Herod on his birthday made a supper to his lords, high captains, and chief estates of Galilee; and when the daughter of the said Herodias came in, and danced, and pleased Herod and them that sat with him, the king said unto the damsel, Ask of me whatsoever thou wilt, and I will give it thee. And he sware unto her, Whatsoever thou shalt ask of me, I will give it thee, unto the half of my kingdom. And she went forth, and said unto her mother, What shall I ask? And She said, The head of John the Baptist. And she came in straightway with haste unto the king, and asked, saying, I will that thou give me by and by in a charger, the head of John the Baptist. And the king was exceeding sorry; yet for his oath’s sake, and for their sakes which sat with him, he would not reject her. And immediately the king sent an executioner, and commanded his head to be brought: and he went and beheaded him in the prison, and brought his head in a charger, and gave it to the damsel: and the damsel gave it to her mother.” This is what unforgiveness can do. We may not actually have someone killed, but as Proverbs 23:7 says, “For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...” Proverbs 4:23, “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Proverbs 3:3-4, “Let not mercy and truth forsake thee: bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart: So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.”

The fear of losing our perceived superiority can lead us to hold grudges, as we seek to maintain a self-image where we think we are morally superior to others. Holding onto another person's failures and sins can create a toxic cycle of entitlement and self-righteousness. We may feel justified in our anger and grievances, using past wrongs as ammunition in conflicts or gossip. This behavior can foster a sense of bitterness, causing us to adopt a bitter demeanor that undermines relationships and personal well-being. This tendency to derive our self-worth from comparisons rather than the grace offered by the gospel can lead us into a cycle of self-righteousness, where we gauge our value based on how we measure up to others instead of recognizing our inherent worth in Christ. Ultimately, the inability to forgive harms the person being held accountable and corrosively impacts the one clinging to the grudges, leading to a distorted sense of identity and perpetuating negativity. Clinging to judgment is a barrier between us and God, who calls us to embrace compassion and grace instead of pride and hostility. Such comparisons foster a false sense of superiority or inferiority, distracting us from the gospel’s transformative power. This power of the gospel invites us to find our identity in God’s unconditional love rather than fleeting human standards. Breaking free from this pattern requires a deepened understanding of our acceptance in Christ, allowing us to embrace humility and genuine community without the burden of rivalry.

False forgiveness, may involve superficial acceptance of wrongdoing while secretly harboring grudges, which keeps us from addressing the underlying hurt and perpetuating a cycle of resentment. Many times we will cling to anger from unforgiveness as a source of motivation and identity, fearing that forgiveness will strip away our driving force and leave us to feel lost or aimless. This reliance on the intense energy of anger can make the prospect of forgiveness daunting, as we end up believing it might also diminish our sense of purpose, leaving us vulnerable to feelings of despair and inactivity. Fear of losing leverage in a relationship often stems from the pain of past experiences, leading us to link forgiveness with the risk of repeated offenses. It's crucial to recognize that forgiveness should be viewed as a personal healing rather than a manipulative strategy aimed to influence others' behavior. While we cannot control how others act, we can protect ourselves by establishing boundaries or exiting unhealthy relationships, thereby minimizing the risk of further emotional harm. Ultimately, safeguarding our well-being requires balancing forgiveness with self-protection. Forgiveness is a profound act that separates the moral judgment of an offense from the act of letting go of personal resentment. By understanding that forgiving someone does not mean we condone their actions, we acknowledge that the ultimate consequences of wrongdoing are beyond our view and rest with God. This shift allows us to release the burden of anger and the desire for retribution, recognizing that all sins are ultimately against God, and transfer the responsibility for justice to Him. When we tranfer the responsibility to God We free ourselves from the weight of unresolved grievances. Romans 12:19, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.” We really should submit our anger and resentment to God and pray for others, even those who have wronged us. This is a profound challenge that demands a deep commitment to love and forgiveness. It often feels insurmountable. As I mentioned in my blog, “The Greatest of These is Love,” embracing this struggle leads to inner healing and freedom. Forgiveness may be overwhelming at times, yet the rewards of peace and emotional release make the effort worthwhile, reminding us of the transformative power of love in our lives.

Forgiving other people can be extremely hard to do. For me, forgiving myself is the hardest. I have been through a lot of trauma my entire life and I’m 50 years old now. As far as I know, I have forgiven everyone who hurt me, but I really struggle with forgiving myself. In Matthew 6:14,15 Jesus states: “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: but if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” Did you ever realize that includes forgiving yourself? If we do not forgive ourselves, we are really calling God a liar and saying that there is no way that God can forgive us. Gulp. That lesson was hard to learn, and I sometimes still struggle with it. This reflection highlights a profound misunderstanding of grace within Christian practice, where we feel compelled to prove our worth through actions to alleviate guilt, rather than embracing grace as an unmerited gift. This "treadmill" approach can lead to spiritual exhaustion, as we mistakenly equate our salvation with a series of achievements rather than recognizing it as a divine gift that cannot be earned or repaid. Ultimately, this emphasis on performance undermines the core message of grace, which invites rest and acceptance of God's love without conditions. Believing in God's forgiveness means accepting His grace and letting go of past transgressions, which are no longer held against us. If God can forgive and forget, we too can forgive ourselves. It is an acknowledgment of His mercy and love. We must recognize that our inability to forgive ourselves only hinders our spiritual growth and relationship with Him. When feelings of shame and guilt arise, remember that they are tools of deception meant to undermine our faith. Embrace the freedom that comes from trusting in God's unchanging forgiveness. Ephesians 4:31,32, “Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God For Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” I believe this also means we should be kind to ourselves and forgive ourselves.

John 13:8-11, “After that he poureth water into a bason, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded. Then cometh he to Simon Peter: and Peter saith unto him, Lord, dost thou wash my feet? Jesus answered and said unto him, What I do thou knowest not now; but thou shalt know hereafter. Peter saith unto him, Thou shalt never wash my feet. Jesus answered him, If I wash thee not, thou hast no part with me. Simon Peter saith unto him, Lord, not my feet only, but also my hands and my head. Jesus saith to him, He that is washed needeth not save to wash his feet, but is clean every whit: and ye are clean, but not all. For he knew who should betray him; therefore said he, Ye are not all clean.” Jesus even washed Judas’ feet knowing he would betray Him. He loved Judas anyway despite this. Unfortunately, Judas did not receive Jesus' salvation because he committed suicide by hanging himself resulting in his body falling and bursting in a field. But, Jesus loved him anyway. All of Jesus' disciples abandoned Him, but Jesus loved them anyway. Because of those disciples, we have the New Testament and understand that we must forgive just as Jesus does.

In conclusion, forgiveness is paramount to our relationship with God, ourselves, and others. The best way to achieve it is through earnest prayer and submission to God. Just as I explained in my blog “The Greatest of These is Love”, I had to pray repeatedly until I received the victory. The result was amazing peace and love from our Father above. Put on the Belt of Truth (honesty with God, ourselves, and others) to shine into areas of your life that have unforgiveness. Battle it with prayer and the Sword of the Spirit (the Word of God) because the devil will accuse you and try to keep you from victory. James 4:7, “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” If we want true peace and release from unforgiveness listen to Jesus words, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11: 28-30)

All references from the Bible are from the King James Version.

Arterburn, S. (2019, September 10). Forgiveness: The Very Essence of Our Faith. Bible Study Tools. Retrieved October 2, 2024, from https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/forgiveness-the-very-essence-of-our-faith-11639431.html

Seamands, D. A. (1981). Healing for Damaged Emotions (pp. 22-32). Victor Books.